I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize