I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
