does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
