some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's official drugs can't kill me
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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