i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
