Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
