i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
