ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
