i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
