someone get that fucking seahorse.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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