I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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