he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
