I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
