I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
