Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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