She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
