Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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