You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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