My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
