Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
