I hate all girls vehemently.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
