The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
