is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Bring me that man meat
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
