Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
