Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
