Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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