Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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