People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
