my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
