i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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