Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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