my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
