return my video game
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
