How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He shit in the fireplace
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
