but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
