My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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