no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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