Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
