i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
