my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She announced her abortion via fbk
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
