Tell her she can't have a vagina
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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