you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
