Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
