I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
