I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize