you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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