i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
