I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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