I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
