I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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