I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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