oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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