Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
