its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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