This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
