I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
