I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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