Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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