Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
