LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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