i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
