Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
