Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
